This is what spare has been reduced to; writing these on my phone

   Today I am going to go very philisophical on you guys, so I apologize in advance. Right now music is truly all that is keeping me alive at this point. People wonder why I listen to bands like Zeppelin, Triumph and mainly Rush...the answer is quite simple in retrospect; this music gives me hope for the future.

   One thing that has been raking my mind lately is something that is at the basis of the human psyche. Everyone lives their life for one thing I figure; to satisfy their feelings and urges. These are different for every person, but everyone has something they are trying to satisfy. Satisfy; that is the important word here. But here is a question I propose to you; what happens after? Once satisfied, acompanied by the success is always a feeling of loss. What must we strive for now that we can't strive for this? Why do humans at our most basic mental level set ourselves up for failure? You can't win at life, because if you do, you still loose. Humans confuse me; quite the statement, isn't it?

   Now to change the topic; this is not something I wrote up on spare, but something that is going through my mind as I type these words. English is a gift to me, writing is one of the few talents I have. I do not produce a blog every day like my friends do because the stuff that goes through my mind I do not want to give out freely. Even with this blog, I hesitate to post this because I, personally, do not like when people know what is going through my head. It makes me feel almost not in control, and almost rude...this is quite an odd feeling because I do not associate those feelings towards other people, only myself. Thinking is something I do; I debate in my head, I resolve, I wonder, I dream, I think. Thinking gives me an escape from reality, it makes me feel free and in control because if I can get lost in my mind, I do not have to deal with the hardships and chaos of the outside world.

   What I have outlined here does not even scratch the surface of what goes on in my mind, no one has ever reached down into the winding caverns of my labyrinth, and I fear no one would want to. Quite the depressing turn I have today, and again I apologize for that.

And now I shall go back into hiding.

Time for some deep thought...

     As few of you know, I have a deep passion for Finnish metal. It is not only the musical style I love about it, but also the lyrics really move me. I see a great wisdom in these bands, and I put a lot more thought into listening to the words then most people would ever. Today I was listening to a folk Finnish metal band named Eluveitie, specifically the song named Thousandfold. One small, meaningless to most, line popped out at me hidden halfway through the chorus:

Declined
Truth ensign
Forever mine
Bereave me

    Declined, that line is simple enough in itself, however it is added onto in the next line. Truth ensign, what does that mean? Well truth is fact, but ensign, what is that? An ensign is an emblem of sorts, therefore that line is the emblem of truth. Declined the emblem of truth.

    Forever mine, bereave me. To be bereaved is to be deprived of a loved one through a profound absence, tipping the scale of the previous line giving a very uneasy feeling. If someone is yours forever, how could they bereave you? Only through death.

I have been declined the truth of that which was forever mine that I have lost; lost forever in profound absence.

This is all, I am going back into hiding now.